esper's blog :)

written 2025-06-26 re-posted 2026-03-14

i've been feeling kinda down lately, so yesterday i went on a little adventure around town! i don't often go out on my own, but it was a lot of fun! i'm gonna have to do this sorta thing more often.

i did some walkin and i did some lookin. i went for lunch (after taking way too long to find a cute place to eat xp ) and then stopped at a cafe on the way home to read!!! that's another thing i intend to bring back: reading for fun. like every other audhd (read: heavily traumatized) trans woman, i too miss the book-filled sunny afternoons of my youth.

anyhoo, i didn't even plan to go out for so long. i kinda just took some water and some weed and went exploring! i'm happy to have taken the opportunity to really make it Mean something. :)) so yeah i did a lot of thinkin on my adventure. a lotta reflecting and such. my trauma-healing has been pretty intense lately!, like it feels very “my traumas are laid bare and raw before me” type deal. if ur pickin up what i'm spittin up.

i've started to read sci-fi again! i used to really enjoy the thoughtfulness that went into the elaborate stories and world-building, and i want to learn to enjoy it again in books!!! i've been having no trouble enjoying tv & movies lately, but it's getting weirdly difficult to find shit that Isn't just horribly violent or misogynistic or imperialistic or whatever. no; the real issue is that the tv & movies i've learned to enjoy have Always had these issues, and i can only now see them.

i was about to start ranting about how film is a bad indie medium. what??? no it isn't. indie films are great; i just don't know where to find them!! if You know of any fun pieces of film media...... my contact info is on my homepage ;)

i think what i Meant to rant about was the relative accessibility of literature and words (books, etc) as an artistic medium. there's no big production team or whatever. just regular old Author and Editor puttin letters together for a while. come to think of it, i think i might just be into text generally! no wonder text-based terminal-style computer-use is so appealing to me!! text is such a versatile and accessible medium!!!!

ok i'm gonna go play some vidya games now. until next time...! ~esper